-{}--{}--{}--{}--{}-
i tried to communicate to my nephew that life is better every single day.
(i is not saying that i failed, only that i tried,)
now, he is 8,
and facing what i faced at 8,
the prospect of his parent's dissolving their union.
so for him, things stand to worsen,
(youth craves status quo, even more so ithan knowledge.)
he says to me, "but things can get worse" with the fleeting earnestness that the young sometimes muster,
flirting with certainty.
something in my fibre shudders, this is what a zealot feels.
this is faith,
i, having seen the seasons turn on many score a union
having seen the way we let ourselves be in those places,
having tasted passion and rejection in equal measure,
having found it was i's love that sustains i, not another's...
i know that the desire for statis destroys desire for life,
that the perception of worsening is self loathing repackaged.
how can i suppose this imposition on to him?
into that small, earnest face, i would pour my life.
as though i could pluck the tremendous weight of 25 years
and set it to drift, no heavier than a thought, into his tiny being.
oh the horrors i could spare him ...
but,
not wishing to sputter his truth, i concur.
"some times things can get worse*"
far be it from i to guess at the weight of truth,
when i know not what rests opposite,
to balance the scale of my being.
* what i wanted to say was this** - "sometimes you percieve your state as being worsened because you have not yet embraced this new state of being into the narrative of your life. but trust me, once you have grown to fill what you percieve as void, you will realise it is self, it was always self, and your love can grow to fill any rift between you as you are and you as you think you should be. love conquers horror.
** or at least something liberal and arty farty along these lines
(i is not saying that i failed, only that i tried,)
now, he is 8,
and facing what i faced at 8,
the prospect of his parent's dissolving their union.
so for him, things stand to worsen,
(youth craves status quo, even more so ithan knowledge.)
he says to me, "but things can get worse" with the fleeting earnestness that the young sometimes muster,
flirting with certainty.
something in my fibre shudders, this is what a zealot feels.
this is faith,
i, having seen the seasons turn on many score a union
having seen the way we let ourselves be in those places,
having tasted passion and rejection in equal measure,
having found it was i's love that sustains i, not another's...
i know that the desire for statis destroys desire for life,
that the perception of worsening is self loathing repackaged.
how can i suppose this imposition on to him?
into that small, earnest face, i would pour my life.
as though i could pluck the tremendous weight of 25 years
and set it to drift, no heavier than a thought, into his tiny being.
oh the horrors i could spare him ...
but,
not wishing to sputter his truth, i concur.
"some times things can get worse*"
far be it from i to guess at the weight of truth,
when i know not what rests opposite,
to balance the scale of my being.
* what i wanted to say was this** - "sometimes you percieve your state as being worsened because you have not yet embraced this new state of being into the narrative of your life. but trust me, once you have grown to fill what you percieve as void, you will realise it is self, it was always self, and your love can grow to fill any rift between you as you are and you as you think you should be. love conquers horror.
** or at least something liberal and arty farty along these lines
Labels: (less than-colon-three), sorry for the ambiguous ending
posted by Run for the Dawn | 4:11 AM
1 Comments:
So much of my anxiety in my life has been about what can happen or could happen. Once you realise just how perilous every little thing can be, it's tempting to assume your crash position and stay that way forever.
As someone who is quite consciously in transition, I feel reassured by your words. I especially love "your love can grow to fill any rift between you as you are and you as you think you should be." We need more ways to neutralise these discrepancies. ecks em
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